Autonomy, Safety and the Pipeline to Hyper-Independence

My sense of individuality has always mattered deeply to me. However, I didn't realise that what would lie ahead in adulthood, was the exercise of me trying to quieten other people's voices in my head whilst amplifying my own without....autotune.

Like you and I, we all want to feel like every decision we've made has come from our inner being. As adults we always want to feel like the authority, we have over ourselves has not been crippled in any shape or form. My hunger cravings for peace and solitude have been at its highest over the past few years and I think I had to experience a lot of downs to get to that point.

What is autonomy?

So as I started writing this post, for the sake of accuracy I decided to do a quick google search on the definition

of autonomy. The Merriam-Webster definition is the 'quality or state of being self-governing'. For a very long time it felt like other people's voices had the majority rule in my head. I say majority rule because we are influenced by so many things from family, friends, culture and even by government legislation. To say the least it is almost inevitable to not have other influences in your life.

Autonomy to me, however, is reclaiming your strength and believing you are the most powerful person in your life. This is not by a physical or even financial metric but more of an innate one.

In my intro post, I expressed how this isn't my first rodeo with the TSD.

Over the past few years, I had brushed writing aside because of hurt in the past. I carried it for a long time, longer than I wanted and longer than I had even expected. But writing has always been a passion that I just couldn't erase from my being, and I no longer want to feel shut out of what is meant for me....and you can do the same!

Safe vs Unsafe

The word safety has been lingering in my head for quite some time now. I sit with the irony of wanting to feel safe and secure but at the same time not wanting to feel safe. Let me dissect...

I never want to feel safe in the sense that I'm not afraid to fail, make mistakes or take risks. I have kind of gotten past the stage of judgement and embarrassment because well...life is too short and in the grand scheme of things, most people are far more concerned with themselves than with us.

On the other hand, I want to feel safe in my decisions and the people around me. It means trusting my instinct and being able to be my vulnerable self around the people who have my best interest at heart. When this doesn't occur, it may lead to jumping on the wave of hyper-independence...yippee!

Is hyper-independence bad?

I use the word 'wave' because hyper-independence can have a rippling effect. It can feel so liberating and freeing, by doing things alone and relying on yourself to get the job done. But you can also flip the page and realise that what felt liberating yesterday can become self-armour and protection today. It can get to a point where the burden that you carry on your shoulder can be too heavy. Whilst not extremely hyper-independent, I have had to unlearn so much because as humans we start of being cradled and nurtured. Our emotions are dysregulated and all over the place. And so at times we can feel unsure or even sad, about decisions we make. Especially when they are hard but for our own good. It's important to trust your instincts and but also remember we're all figuring life out, no matter what age we are. I heard a saying a while ago and it was something along the lines of 'your 20s are the childhood phase of adulthood', and that couldn't be closer to the truth. Give yourself grace x

Love!

Linking it back to romantic relationships because how can romance not be discussed during the month of Valentine's Day! I think it's important to still hold onto your autonomy even whilst with someone, if anything it does keep you safe. You can still 'govern' yourself whilst building a wonderful life with someone.

Sometimes I can myself, can hyper-independence in a relationship actually work? And what do autonomy and safety mean to you? I'd love to know your thoughts in the comments.

As days go by and I ponder

Will my autonomy always be here, I wonder?

I know I can't let the fear of the unknown run me down.

So it's high time I go and explore what awaits me, in town!

As written by Nao, signing out.....